Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
