she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
