News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize