No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
