She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
