Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
