I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
