the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
