I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
