I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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