Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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