They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Bring me that man meat
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
