I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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