I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm bleeding and have questions
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
