im drinking this country out of the recession.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
