We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
