You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
