Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
