I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
