By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
