Can i not drive my cunt home
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
