wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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