I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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