I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize