and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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