Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
