Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
