honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
