Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
