So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Randomize