you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
