Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
