we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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