i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
