He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
its liver damage thursday
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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