Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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