Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
They left me at home... I'm a liability
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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