Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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