this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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