i need an iv and a liver transplant
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
