does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Randomize
