you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
