You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize