4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Randomize