i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
