hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I puked a lego.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
