she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize