He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
