how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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