I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
