You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
