I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
