Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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