she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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