I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
