We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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