Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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