For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize