Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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