oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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