I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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