I think i sorta joined a cult last night
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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